When my child is “acting out”.

Sometimes it appears that my children speak rudely to me. Sometimes they throw things or act in ways which could be destructive. The response from others is that I should stop it and take the things away. But to me, simply stopping the action does not address the underlying unmet need. It does not deal with the reason as to why they are acting in such a way. Therefore a punishment (and taking something away is a punishment) is not effective in dealing with the actual problem. Stopping the action serves mostly to help the adult. I’m thinking far outside the box here. There Is an answer that does not have a method. It’s not going to be x + 2 = compliance. It’s going to mean that I slow down and listen. If I don’t have the answer than I would rather do nothing than risk alienating my child and furthering the hurt. We don’t have to learn it all at once and neither do children. It is the process and our mindfulness towards it that matters. And so I remain still and the answers always come. To outsiders it may look like I am being passive and allowing children to misbehave. But I am not concerned with that anymore. What matters is listening and learning how to live in peace. I can be understanding and compassionate when they struggle. Could not we all use a little of that?