What if we all stopped talking? Where would we be without the opinion? Who would we be without the horror of spanking children or our defence of it? Who would we be if we remained silent. What if we silenced our words and our thoughts knowing That they are already being said? What important newness would come About? What if all that existed was the sound of your own body intermingled with the cacophony of the outdoors? Can we silence ourselves for just a moment?
At first it was very painful for me to see and hear about my child being picked on. Bullying is a big deal these days and it’s rampant. It’s heard about and we see the pictures on fb of children holding up signs demanding to end bullying. I see the pictures and i wonder how does one end bullying? I allow my mind to wander as I wonder of demanding to end something is indeed bullying itself. Maybe we could be asking the hard questions like “why?”.
When my own child was “bullied”, I questioned how someone could be so cruel as well as the lasting effects it could have on shim. I saw the beginning of it last summer as shim was chased by boys on bikes with air soft guns. Then shim told me about some boys calling shim names as they drove up and down mainstreet.
The other day, Shim came to me quivering holding back tears after a group of children lured shim into the locker room after swimming and picked a fight. Shim was hit in the head a few times before escaping. I never expected to be able to feel pain like that for another persons experience. But perhaps it has less to do with my child and more to do from my own life during times when I became a target. I remember feelings of confusion, anger and most of all, being powerless and perhaps that’s not shims experience at all.
Immediately after the locker room incident, I went and spoke with the lifeguard who was just cleaning up after a busy swim night. I don’t think she knew what happened or what to do. I explained that I saw a severity in slippery half-naked violence. She said she couldn’t pick sides because she didn’t see. I realize at that moment that it didn’t really matter. Everyone needed to be safe and nobody was. I asked that she would call 911 should violence like that happen again and we figured out that shim could change in another location and that I could come along as well.
Now what? What is left after nasty words have been directed at your child? I went home and hugged shim. I took a step out of my skin and looked at the whole picture. I saw shim with the two good friends that shim has. I remember that sacred closeness that comes when most of the world doesn’t accept you. And then when you find someone who does, it feels like home and you appreciate its uniqueness. I decided to put my energies to that and to my own connection with shim. It has taught me to seek out that which is good for us and to be aware of other people’s pain. I’m going to even go so far as to say it’s not bad, the bullying. It is what it is…a step in our evolution to wholeness. If we look closer, we will see the hurt in the “bully” and the disconnection they have to life. As I write this I feel cautious as I know that other peoples experiences have been horrible and I wish empowerment over their lives for them. I wish for them to see their worth and goodness even when others don’t. That’s what we all want right? That’s what we are all striving for…to feel whole.
We may not be able to stop bullying but we can use it as an example and as a reminder of how we want to be. We can use it to bring us closer and ask what we can do to help. In this we are not bullied, but only reminded. We can remember that people are still hurting and that it’s not about us. We are powerful beyond measure. All I can say right now is thank you.