Monthly Archives: July 2013

Telling our truths when we are down.


Now has become the unexpected time to write. I don’t feel like it. I’m afraid of what may come out while I’m in my state of negativity. But I have to. I think it’s going to be important to write about it, so we all know that I’m human. I can not only write about my peace and freedom and joy… Sometimes I’m trapped, stunned and disabled. Sometimes the answers leave me and I am left in a state of not knowing anything at all. Maybe it is something that we can connect on. Do you know that feeling? It starts by being triggered by someone or something, usually someone or something they did or said. It is interesting that the trigger happens right after a long period of intense contentment, but it is as it should be. I still have much to learn and even more to tell you. I’ve been contemplating all the things I’ve not said yet. What can I tell you that is my unspoken truth? Can I tell you about all the times I’ve failed as a parent? Can I tell you about my complete unattached relationship with my first child? Would you be angry with me for the time-outs and spankings? Would I lose followers? Does it discredit me? It doesn’t matter. What we need now is truth and then healing. I don’t think I can be an advocate for gentle parenting without telling my own stories of NOT gently parenting. I want to tell others so they can feel my warm embrace and know that I get it. I’ve been there. I accept it. I feel deeply about inspiring others to find their own way; the way that feels amazing and true to you. And it doesn’t mean that you co-sleep or practice extended Breastfeeding. It means you listen to you, not me. I am so excited to see what wants to come through you as a parent and as a person. You inspire me. I’ve felt very touched by many parents ways who do not practice AP. I’ve also felt a fondness for the children too.
So, here I am broken open…
When I am triggered It’s easy to go off and blame that person, but I know that’s not real. I’ll sit with it and its sometimes scary. It is often scary. I receive strong urges to essential oil and cultured food it all away. Bring back the feelings that they often refer to as happy-hippy feelings. I ponder peace, love, free.. Does it exist? Wow. I’m so in awe of how the trees are still green and the flowers vibrant but there’s a heavy dominance of pain inside me that ignores it. Emotions are so powerful and strange as they become my entire world so suddenly. I think about my friends and the times of darkness that they’ve had. I smile, because I get it. I write and the sounds of the summer birds outside come back to me and I wonder if they were there all along.

Judging others, judging ourselves.

Something new has occurred to me this fine, camping morning. I’m going to share it as a response to all the wonderful people who tell me they love my blog and that I haven’t been writing much lately. Like my mom and some stranger down the block.
I was trekking down the hill from our campsite to the washrooms. I was in a state of many thoughts. I realized that I’ve become so good at internalizing problems, judgments against others and negativity towards me. This means that I accept responsibility for my experience, I don’t blame. But sometimes this means accepting myself as the irrational one rather than blaming someone else. And I’m using the word irrational very lightly. Oh dear, I feel I’m going off into the world of never ending ramble and non-sensicalness. But you get me, right? I am talking about what all the spiritual gurus tell us to do… Go inside. Stop blaming and look at where you can make change. We judge in others what we fear most in ourselves. When I point fingers, there’s three pointing back at me. So, I’ve lived this for a while. The thought creeps in about someone, like “Look at those tacky pants” and immediately I convert it back to my own fear of my own tacky pants. Well, this morning I was contemplating on my own judgements of me and how I was walking myself through where I could be more accepting of people, less competitive, less condescending. And it hit me! I don’t need to do that to me either! I can accept me. I can look at my journey and say “ah. That’s where I’m at, cool.”. And I laughed and laughed because my own tacky pants are perfect too.


Weedstock and Food Freedom: Discovered!


I pleased myself greatly last night when I came up with Weedstock and when I fully developed my thoughts and feelings on food freedom with children. I was watching Michael, my partner, meticulously pull and nibble on “weeds” in the front yard. We eat our weeds, so far they’ve all been edible. I noticed that he was pulling more weeds than he could consume and so I asked him for them to throw into my soup stock. The undesirable plants that grow voluntarily and that we rip, hoe and poison: they are loaded with valuable nutrients, more so than the lettuce and cabbages we so laboriously grow. When picked young, they are also tender and not as bitter. Or simply throw them into your stock. I have a few things that I do for a super rich and delicious stock.

How to make Weedstock:

1. Sauté your vegetables (onions, carrots and any other vegetable scraps) on low in a fat with a high smoking point. I use lard, chicken fat or you could use butter or olive oil. I cook them slowly to perfect caramelization. I like to do this over a morning as it poses no risk of burning when it’s on low.
2. Add water to cover: bones, meats, herbs, a few spoons of vinegar (or over fermented kombucha, to draw out minerals), egg shells and WEEDS! Please make sure you’ve identified a plant 100% before using.
3. Simmer (do not boil) for 2 days or more.
4. Strain and use in dishes, soups and sauces. I strain it as we need it.

My kids are so use to these foods now that they ask for it. I wasn’t making broth due to not wanting to heat up the house and my oldest asked why I wasn’t making broth. I was pleasantly shocked as he has been the child to complain the most about the healthy foods I’ve been cooking. Now he has a taste for it. He told me that he comes and grabs a cup of broth out of the pot when he’s hungry. I’m so happy!
There seems to have been a major shift in my kids lately. I’ve been letting go of food issues and beliefs and focusing on the foods that call me, and them. There was a point when candy and processed treats distressed me and I wanted to rip it from their hands and run with it into the wild where I could burn it and dump dish soap all over its KRAFT insides. Well, as fun as that was, I’m letting it go. I’m accepting it as the reality that is now. Factories make food like products and sometimes my children want it and they want it too much. Well, the truth is that I want it too much sometimes as well. It’s not just children. It’s a challenge; a gastrointestinal challenge mostly. I’m working on conquering my own by cooking and eating what I am peacefully drawn to and I see that it is radiating down to the children. They are joining into my passion for wild and local, real foods. They love to be able to identify wild foods they can eat as well as take part in animal and vegetable harvests. More importantly than what they eat, is how they eat. I want them
To feel free to eat without stress, judgement, shame or guilt.
With this freedom, we are finding the foods that they love.
With the inner candy/junk struggle within me, I decided to focus on the good and ignore the sneaky candy. I knew it had gotten bad when they felt they had to sneak it. That’s not true freedom. My restricting had led to them wanting it more and sneaking it. But oh well right? Live, love and learn. So…
I was also starting to see how my projecting of fears and beliefs about certain foods could and would cause food issues in the kids. But I had an idea…
So I started making ice cream for them every night. Sometimes we had leftovers for breakfast or an afternoon snack. They love it. I make it with LOTS of egg yolks, raw/local honey, fresh fruits, mineral rich maple syrup, fresh garden herbs like mint and basil, probiotic loaded kefir and occasionally raw cream and milk.
They are seeming more satisfied these days and are not asking for foods which I am not already buying. Interesting. I buy a variety and I buy what they like. They are inventing their own satisfying recipes out of our good, wholesome ingredients. Fascinating! Sometimes I’m buying marshmallows, as the homemade ones just melt into the hot campfire coals. yes, sometimes I am buying marshmallows and my friends and family become wide-eyed as I am usually known as crazy, food person. Well, crazy just got kooky.
Something has switched, and I think it is me. It’s always me.
It turns out that children are people and they do want to be healthy and happy. Sometimes they fail, but so do I. It’s all part of the journey.


“Lettuce-head”, Michael. He is twelve and sometimes takes on the character of a rabbit when he eats his lettuce plain and plentiful.