When I’m low.

I’ve been feeling low the last few days. Do you know that place where you want to blame your spouse and insist they help you every night with dishes and laundry regularly as well? I spiral down into thinking that if he would just help more, then I would be happier. Well, it can go on these ineffective thoughts. Whenever I look for reasons to be unhappy, there they shall be.
So, I’ve submitted to my bedroom to sit with it. I am noticing how I am inclined to look for things to make me feel better. Stimulants (coffee, tea), talking with someone, essential oils, meditation or an inspirational book. But then it occurred to me that this low has something to teach me and I shouldn’t push it aside. It is exhilarating and scary to sit with your own emotions and lack of thought to attribute it to. It’s like a carnival ride narrated “You’re up. No, you’re down. Try this! It’ll make you whole again!”. I’ll have to ignore that for now and look deeper…
This “darkness” has taught me that I’m ready for the next step and that is exciting. So now when it begins to creep in, I know that it means something great is about to come alive in me. But what is this next step? Something inside me surely knows.
The trick will be to not let my feelings Radiate out to others. Rather I’ll use it to locate that soft, sensitive spot in me. The part that pulls us closer and shares a deep understanding of what it means to be human.

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