Tackling the momster within!

Do you ever get angry?
Have you felt absolute rage towards your children?
Have you wanted to spank them, and really hard, even despite not believing in violence? I have.
My oldest son and my only girl are very intense people. They are extra sensitive and need to feel in control of their lives.
They also have a difficult time with having company and making transitions, this is mostly for my son.
This manifests in what looks
like to outsiders as “bad kids”. And that equals “bad parents”!
My son ignores my pleas to leave his siblings alone. He makes high pitch irritating sounds and laughs maniacally when I ask him to stop. He flops around on the floor flailing his limbs, unable to make eye contact. People often think that he is autistic. I’ve been told by Professionals that he is ODD and ADHD. I can’t believe that though, as his symptoms go away as soon as he is feeling loved and cared for, doing what he is passionate about. “Real
diseases don’t disapear on summer vacation.” says author an child advocate Laurie A. Couture.
My daughter, she gets violent and impossible to please.
Their behaviors are symptoms of unmet needs.
My daughter’s violence always happens when she is tired.
My son’s issues are much deeper. They started from within the womb. I was 17 and working in a traveling circus. No body knew I was pregnant except the father. I was scared, in denial and very sick. I lost 16 lbs the first 3 months. He was born malnourished, I am sure of it. Sadly, Michael is my only baby which I did not practice attachment parenting with. I thought letting him cry it out was normal and helpful to his independence. I struggled to breastfeed but he wouldn’t latch and so I pumped until my supply dried up when he was nine months. What a scary thing it was raising a child and not knowing how to bond with them. Shouldn’t it be innate and natural? His
Father, which who he was attached to, left when he was 14 months.
I now believe all of this is the reason for his lack of cooperation and ability to be joyful and appropriate.
my son has become somewhat of a social outcast and I often feel mad at him for this. He’s only 11, and still a little boy. I need to understand my anger and this anger that he incites in me.
I question my thoughts. I do it often. And it helps!
It can feel so difficult to resist those urges to scream and yell. It Happens to me because I have believed that my kids should act and be a certain way. Everyday I let go of this more and more.
I use Byron Katie’s “The Work” to question my thoughts.
It’s true what I’ve heard, I must display control and order if I want them to learn it. It’s a work in progress. I am a work in progress. And when I fail, I forgive myself immediately and feel inspired to learn a new way and to be better. And so it is!

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