Knowing how to be better.

I began thinking about this specifically for my relationship with my man-partner, but I can apply it to all my relationships and even contact with strangers.
I would like to see and hear other peoples complaints as an opportunity for me to better myself. Often I get defensive and look for all the proof as to why I am not what they say I am. Or why I am not doing as they say I am doing. Seems pretty pointless though, when I lay it out like that. But defensiveness is often the first and maybe easiest response. It's like a
bell goes off and someone says " round one!" and I'll throw my hands up to get in that last punch. The winning punch.
But this defense mechanism is futile for a life based on peace and kindness.
It means that I don't have to change or grow. What fun would it be staying the same?
How does one go about doing this?
How do I embrace negativity towards me? I can set my intention ( to be open to the criticism ) and I can change my perception. Maybe it's not negative, it's a cry for positive change … Or something, I'll work on that one.
So I would like to thank anyone who will in the future criticize me or complain, even if I get defensive. Because when I reflect on it later, in the quietness I will learn something and I'll know better how to be kind.

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